Women and ADHD
It’s 1:00 in the afternoon.
Jessica is sitting in her living room watching her daughter play. In the kitchen, the stack of dirty dishes sit in the sink, silently judging her. A week’s worth of mail lays scattered on the counter. It feels like every piece of clothing they own is piled on the couch, begging to be folded and put away. Maybe she can just shove them back in the dryer. And guess who’s coming over for lunch? Her mother - her mother who loves her but can’t fathom why it’s so hard to keep her house organized and meals planned. Or why she hasn’t had a chance to shower yet. Her daughter shrieks with delight as she plays with her blocks and Jessica smiles. But underneath that smile is a feeling of despair. Why does life feel so out of control? Why can’t she be more like the other moms on her street? She’s always had to work hard to stay on top of things, but now she feels like she can never catch up.
There are many reasons that could explain why Jessica feels overwhelmed. In my scenario though, Jessica has undiagnosed ADHD. In a previous blog, I discussed the tendency for women to be underdiagnosed, often presenting with a mood disorder until further probing reveals another culprit. It turns out that there’s more to add to the story.
Researchers and health care providers admit that little has been done to address the female experience with ADHD. I think that’s beginning to change. In 2018, a variety of health professionals with expertise in treating ADHD in girls and women, convened in the UK with the goal of reaching a consensus about how to best serve females with ADHD across their lifespan. They relied on their experience as well as scientific literature to provide guidance to the many other professionals who work to identify and treat ADHD in females.
Why is this so important? Women with ADHD not only present a little differently than men, they may experience it differently as well. But that will come in my next blog post.
For now, let’s focus on how ADHD looks in women. According to this panel of experts, women and girls with ADHD are more likely to be innattentive and may have less severe symptoms than males, especially for hyperactive-impulsive symptoms. They also noted that women experience their symptoms on a more pervasive basis ( as opposed to fluctuating), which means they are more impairing.
I could just stop right here. Merriam Webster defines pervasive as “existing in or spreading through every part of something “. Every. Part. That says alot.
But I’ll continue. Those features of ADHD, like distraction, disorganization, restlessness, low motivation “may be exacerbated by hormonal changes during menstrual cycle, pregnancy and menopause.” If you’re a woman, even a woman without ADHD, I can see you nodding and giving an amen to that one. Well, I’m imagining. I mean, as women we know that it can feel like life in general is exacerbated by hormonal changes, but if you have ADHD, you may want to start taking note of the changes you experience. The panel also agreed that “difficulties with emotional lability and emotional dysregulation may be more severe or common in girls and women with ADHD.” Think irritability, mood swings, low threshold for frustration. Are we back to the hormone thing? Not necessarily. Poor emotional regulation, or the ability to manage your emotions, is a trait of ADHD for both men and women. This group says it may be more of a challenge for women.
So let’s get back to Jessica. She illustrates my last few points in regard to women with ADHD. According to our panel of experts, females tend to compensate for their difficulties, which can mask the real issue and delay identification. As females, we’re more likely to want to please our parents, teachers and friends and so we work harder and tell ourselves that we just don’t measure up. Furthermore, the traits of ADHD may “become more obvious later in females, often during periods of social or educational transition.” Jessica fits the bill in that regard as a new mom.
I recently read an article by Sari Solden in Additude Magazine, where she put out her own list of questions for women who think they may have ADHD. I won’t list them all, but I love the ones that speak to the female experience:
* Have you ever been thought of as selfish because you didn’t write thank you notes or send birthday cards?
* Have you stopped having people over to your house because you’re ashamed of the mess?
* Do you often shut down in the middle of the day, feeling assaulted? Do requests for “one more thing” put you over the top emotionally?
As Sari notes, “Too many women grew up being called lazy, selfish, spacey, or dumb because their symptoms were ignored or disregarded.” I think the world is ready to take another look at the female experience of ADHD and how to treat women over the course of their lifetimes. Women play a vital role in our families, our economy and our communities. They deserve the proper diagnosis and treatment necessary to thrive.
Are you a woman with ADHD? Visit my website to learn more about a group coaching program that’s all about the female experience of ADHD.
Suzanne Leon is a Certified Professional Coach who works with people affected by ADHD/ADD. Visit her website to learn more about the services she provides.
Resources used:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7422602/#CR183
https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-in-women/